Photo from the Cornell Daily Sun BARTON HALL—After a turbulent runway performance from the Cornell Fashion Collective’s talented designers, local Ithaca nudist Trevor Climpman found himself having a change of heart about his decision to abandon all forms of clothing. “The outfits were just so beautiful that it made me want to not have my…
This post is sponsored by The Skits. Go see The Skits Present: Shouldn’t We Have Graduated By Now – A 25th Anniversary Alumni Show, Saturday, March 10th at 9:00pm in Barnes Hall. Tickets are $5 and available at www.theskits.com or by emailing skitscomedy@gmail.com BARNES HALL—The much anticipated Skits 25th anniversary show hit an awkward patch…
HO PLAZA—As mental health problems continue on campus, Cornell Health will be introducing a thorough system of applications for CAPS appointments. Counselor Richard Kilhemmer released a statement declaring that “this year’s applicant pool will be especially qualified, but unfortunately I have a limited budget and need to select students through a rigorous application process. Also,…
I’m glad I have your attention. I’ve looked everywhere without any luck, and I could really use your help. Is there any chance you have my club’s Facebook page password? We created our Facebook page awhile back in the hopes that it would be a good way to gain exposure. But after a few months…
DONLON HALL—Jacob Goldstein ‘21 spent a few extra minutes Saturday morning strolling around his Donlon floor after a walk of shame, clearly trying to make sure his floormates know he had sex the night before. “I really just wanted a chance to stretch my legs a bit more, considering I did a lot of strenuous…
LOW RISE 6—In the midst of a panic attack, my mother called me Friday night. I stifled ugly sobs in my pillow and responded, “Hey mom! What’s up?” with the vocal control of an opera singer. As she dished about the dog’s new medication and her petunias withering, I thought about what it would be…
BAKER HALL—After Cornell announced that campus will be closed starting at 5 AM, dedicated chemistry professor Chuck E. Chang had no choice but to drag his students into lecture at the crisp hour of 4 in the morning. “Normally I don’t allow beverages in my classroom, but I made a special exception for those students…
DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…
AMAZON RAINFOREST, BRAZIL—Tragedy struck the IFC last week when five students failed to return from the organization’s annual mission to collect the increasingly scarce jungle juice. “While we mourn the loss of our fellow brothers, we know their tragedy was not in vain. Each cooler we fill with the sweet jungle nectar this semester will…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Although English professor Marjorine Williamson is routinely celebrated for being the oldest and most published in her department, this bitch is still having trouble getting the chalkboard to work. “I mean she’s clearly brilliant,” said Lyle Glagadeen ‘19, “but this bitch can’t even hold chalk properly and she always uses the wrong side…
