After months of anticipation, the University finally announced decisions for the undergraduate Class of 2019. Here are the official admissions statistics of those lucky 15% that were accepted: 1st – 21st generation college student: 100% Admissions Department Favorite Student: Jared Middle 50% of admitted students scored between 90 and 95 Of Football recruits, those who…
HO PLAZA — Fear and worry erupted on campus when the Cornell community witnessed the evil Green Southscale Dragon, Nídhöggr, lock the Princess in the tallest room in McGraw Tower. She is expected to remain there for the foreseeable future, until either the townspeople relinquish all their gold to the dragon or she is rescued…
DAY HALL- Thanks to the actions of investigative journalists at Project Veritas, the Cornell community was shocked and appalled to learn Wednesday that the University strongly supports the actions of ISIS, the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. “Yeah, that would be okay,” said Assistant Dean of Students Joe Scaffido, probably in response to a…
104WEST! — Panic erupted at Cornell’s Jewish dining hall on Wednesday, when several patrons discovered that a non-Jew had gained access to the premises. The goyish intruder, Sean O’Flynn ’16, made it past the first few tiers of security and was almost about to eat his lunch before the alarms went off. “A breach like…
With Spring break coming up next week, let’s take a look at the best places to vacation with your friends. Or, if you’re trying to escape your troubled past at all costs, we included some places that are good for that, too. Cancun, Mexico – With miles of gorgeous beaches, stunning scenery, and friendly locals,…
ROCKEFELLER HALL — The Slope Day Programming Board finally announced today the headlining act for Slope Day 2015. This announcement comes after weeks of anticipation and curiosity building among students, who are now relieved to at long last know the identity of this year’s musician. “I love the artist they picked! I listen to their…
BIOTECHNOLOGY BUILDING- Responding to claims that the student body and general public have a lack of insight into Cornell’s financial operations, President David Skorton told attendees of Monday’s Town Hall Meeting that the University will take steps toward greater financial translucency. “I understand that in an institution of our size, with a lot of red…
KENNEDY HALL- In eager celebration of Saint Patrick’s Day, Mechanical Engineering professor K. Max Zhang adorned the corner of his class’s prelims with a shamrock. “I just love the the festive spirit of the holiday,” said Zhang of the day he would be administering an exam worth nearly 20 percent of his students’ final grades….
We here at CU Nooz seek to provide our readers with the key facts they need to choose which candidate they think is best suited to serve as president of the Student Assembly. So here are the reasons you should vote for each of the SA Presidential election candidates: Vote for Matthew Stefanko if: You…
MALLOTT HALL — To celebrate all the great advancements in mathematics made possible by the almighty irrational number, Cornell’s nerds are all set to throw a huge rager for Super-Pi Day on Saturday, 3/14/15. The date marks an extraordinary numerical parallel with pi to the unheard of degree of four decimal places, and the university’s…
