CALL AUDITORIUM—A mere five weeks after the commencement of Spring semester, the BioEE 1780 Preliminary Exam found itself being passed out to 229 students in Call Auditorium. It had only just dawned upon the Prelim that these bright-eyed faces were waiting to scratch their threateningly sharp pencils on its freshly printed pages, and it was…
Say, that’s a pretty nice immune system you’ve got there, isn’t it? It’d be a shame if… well if something happened to it. We wouldn’t want that, now would we? Look, I’m just saying that these things break all the time. People get sick is all. People get really, really sick. And you don’t want…
ZOOM SERVERS—Members of the Cornell Flyer project team have spent the last 90 seconds sitting patiently on the team meeting Zoom call while teammates Sarah Chen ’21 and Jacob Thomas ’22 engaged in an ongoing discussion about a TV show they both like. “I was all set to ask a question about the shape of…
COMSTOCK HALL—Biology Major Jay Kottlier ‘26 was left awestruck in his BIOG 1500 laboratory meeting this week following his successful utilization of a pipette. Upon witnessing the device move a small quantity of liquid from one container to another, Kottlier reported being filled with an immense certainty that mankind would soon bring about its own…
GANNETT- Sources are reporting that a small handful of students are still angry with the University administration about the implementation of a $350 health fee that enraged campus only weeks ago. “Oh yeah, the whole health fee thing! It feels like that was so long ago,” recalled junior Rebecca Hardy, who herself was among the…
IVES HALL—This Slope Day, rap and pop music icon Flo Rida racked up a shocking 1.5 hour wait for his arrival at the Slope due to a rigorous prep schedule, vocal exercises, and getting miserably lost in the ILR building. The morning of May 8, excited for his Cornell debut, Mr. Rida woke up extra…
URIS HALL—With nesting season in full swing, many birds have resolved to make Cornell their home for the next few months. The campus’s abundance of trees, open space, and unsuspecting Hotelies to shit on make it “the perfect environment to lay some twigs, lay some pipe, and lay some eggs,” said Kevin Wormenjoyer, a local…
LEWIS AUDITORIUM — Just barely putting his notes away in time before the TA handed out the midterm, Justin Solotoff ’17 dismissed his neighbor’s assertive comment that Solotoff should have started studying earlier for the exam. “I didn’t cram,” whispered Solotoff as he opened his blue book. “I started studying a whole hour ago.” Solotoff’s…
To celebrate the contributions of Black Americans for Black History Month, Cornell Dining has released an all-new menu to Toni Morrison Dining Hall this February. Among the new dishes is an “African-inspired Red Sauce Cheesy Flatbread” that will replace the dining hall’s signature cheese pizza for the remainder of the month. “We wanted to make…
