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December 28, 2025
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library
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  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B

    3 weeks ago3 weeks ago
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library

    3 weeks ago3 weeks ago
  • Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame

    3 weeks ago3 weeks ago
  • Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress

    3 weeks ago3 weeks ago
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  • Asshole

Asshole

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OP-ED: Inconsiderate Asshole Is Successful When I Am Not

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago03 mins

In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later.  Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…

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  • Uncategorized

Asshole Professor Makes Adorable Gingerbread House

Nooz Staff9 years ago01 mins

TOMPKINS COUNTY, NY — After approving the grades that would lead 58 students to tears and 17 to change their majors, asshole math professor Nancy Druckman began piping royal icing between walls of delectable cookies to assemble her adorable holiday gingerbread house. Professor Druckman, commonly referred to as “the devil in flesh”, constructed baby Jesus…

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