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April 2, 2026
  • Engineering School Phoenix Rises From the Asbestos
  • “But Promise You Won’t Be Mad If I Tell You?” Slope Day Committee Announces Artist Lineup
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  • “What Are You Talking About? Slope Day Just Happened”: Administration Tries New Tactic After Failing to Source Replacement Artist

    11 months ago
  • Two Birds, One Stone! Jerry from Craigslist Booked as Slope Day Headliner, Convocation Speaker

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • Circle of Elders Regales Freshmen With Stories of the Before-Times When the Clocktower Was Free

    11 months ago6 months ago
  • Girl Power! Group of Girlies Take Elevator Up to 7th Floor of Olin

    11 months ago11 months ago
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Asshole

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OP-ED: Inconsiderate Asshole Is Successful When I Am Not

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago03 mins

In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later.  Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…

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Asshole Professor Makes Adorable Gingerbread House

Nooz Staff9 years ago01 mins

TOMPKINS COUNTY, NY — After approving the grades that would lead 58 students to tears and 17 to change their majors, asshole math professor Nancy Druckman began piping royal icing between walls of delectable cookies to assemble her adorable holiday gingerbread house. Professor Druckman, commonly referred to as “the devil in flesh”, constructed baby Jesus…

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