Skip to content
October 23, 2025
  • Cornell Announces “Raw Chicken Wednesdays” to Slim Down Large Freshman Class
  • Americans Defeat Fascism by Putting On Greatest Talent Show This Nation Has Ever Seen
  • Mamdani Debates Cuomo As World War I Flying Ace Curtis Sliwa Dogfights Infamous Red Baron
  • Pre-Annotated Library Book Tells Student Exactly What Important
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
  • CU NoozMagazine | Spring 2025 Issue
Headlines
  • Cornell Announces “Raw Chicken Wednesdays” to Slim Down Large Freshman Class

    22 hours ago22 hours ago
  • Americans Defeat Fascism by Putting On Greatest Talent Show This Nation Has Ever Seen

    23 hours ago23 hours ago
  • Mamdani Debates Cuomo As World War I Flying Ace Curtis Sliwa Dogfights Infamous Red Baron

    3 days ago
  • Pre-Annotated Library Book Tells Student Exactly What Important

    6 days ago6 days ago
  • Professor Getting All Excited About Life’s Work Again

    7 days ago7 days ago
  • Cornell Health Boasts Selective 2% Acceptance Rate for 2025 Appointment Cycle

    1 week ago
  • Home
  • Asshole

Asshole

  • Uncategorized

OP-ED: Inconsiderate Asshole Is Successful When I Am Not

Nooz Staff4 years ago4 years ago03 mins

In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later.  Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…

Read More
  • Uncategorized

Asshole Professor Makes Adorable Gingerbread House

Nooz Staff9 years ago01 mins

TOMPKINS COUNTY, NY — After approving the grades that would lead 58 students to tears and 17 to change their majors, asshole math professor Nancy Druckman began piping royal icing between walls of delectable cookies to assemble her adorable holiday gingerbread house. Professor Druckman, commonly referred to as “the devil in flesh”, constructed baby Jesus…

Read More
You're never going to believe this but "This organization is a registered student organization of Cornell University." Newsmatic - News WordPress Theme 2025. Powered By BlazeThemes.