Asshole – CU Nooz

Headlines

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel
9 years ago9 years ago
Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes
9 years ago
Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday
9 years ago9 years ago
Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell
10 years ago
Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
10 years ago10 years ago
Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks
10 years ago10 years ago

OP-ED: Inconsiderate Asshole Is Successful When I Am Not

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago03 mins

In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later. Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…

Asshole Professor Makes Adorable Gingerbread House

Nooz Staff10 years ago01 mins

TOMPKINS COUNTY, NY — After approving the grades that would lead 58 students to tears and 17 to change their majors, asshole math professor Nancy Druckman began piping royal icing between walls of delectable cookies to assemble her adorable holiday gingerbread house. Professor Druckman, commonly referred to as “the devil in flesh”, constructed baby Jesus…