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March 17, 2026
  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare
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  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It

    26 minutes ago26 minutes ago
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir

    32 minutes ago32 minutes ago
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots

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Bitch Mom Telling Daughter to Come Home Because of Global Pandemic

Nooz Staff6 years ago6 years ago03 mins

COLLEGETOWN – Amidst growing concerns over COVID-19 and the unrest caused by the current Pandemic, Jessica Springer, ‘22, has reportedly been told to come home by her shrewish, insufferable bitch of a mother.  In the past week, the Cornell community has seen classes indefinitely suspended, events of more than fifty people banned, and at the…

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