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Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru
4 days ago4 days ago
Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words
5 days ago
Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine
7 days ago7 days ago
National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule
1 week ago1 week ago
Flipped Classroom Professor Not Sure What’s Going On, Asks If You Have Any Idea
1 week ago1 week ago
Senior Still in Model UN Working Towards Killer Common App Resume
2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Turkey Day Uh Oh! Ugly Cousin Hitting on You

Nooz Staff4 years ago03 mins

JERICO, NY – You were expecting a “nice and chill” Thanksgiving break back at home with your family. You’d been looking forward to the nice food, seeing your pets, and even chatting with family members you haven’t seen in a while. But before you know it, things are getting too hot to handle at the…

Senior Thrilled to Pick Which Two Family Members Get Heatstroke

Nooz Staff4 years ago03 mins

ITHACA, NY—With the new announcement that each graduating senior would receive two tickets for guests, students were delighted at the prospect of selecting which family members they’d send to the hospital for severe heat injuries. “I was so relieved to get that email,” said Marvin Thomas ’21. “A graduation without grandparents dropping like flies and…