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October 14, 2025
  • Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru
  • Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words
  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule
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Bitch Mom Telling Daughter to Come Home Because of Global Pandemic

Nooz Staff6 years ago6 years ago03 mins

COLLEGETOWN – Amidst growing concerns over COVID-19 and the unrest caused by the current Pandemic, Jessica Springer, ‘22, has reportedly been told to come home by her shrewish, insufferable bitch of a mother.  In the past week, the Cornell community has seen classes indefinitely suspended, events of more than fifty people banned, and at the…

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