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March 13, 2026
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges
  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester
  • Local Jester Actually Prefers Fool’s Spring
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  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long

    19 hours ago19 hours ago
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges

    20 hours ago20 hours ago
  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Local Jester Actually Prefers Fool’s Spring

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • Frolicking Squirrel Thinks It’s Funny You Bombed That Prelim

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • Dumb Idiot Bunny Rabbit Doesn’t Know It About to Get Cold Again

    4 days ago4 days ago
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  • Hamster

Hamster

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OP-ED: I Sacrificed My Roommate’s Therapy Hamster to My Sneaky Link’s Therapy Cat to Appease the CourseGrab Gods

Nooz Staff4 years ago04 mins

I was sitting in my first Zoom class of the semester, blissfully chewing the singular grape I salvaged from the Toni Morisson honeydew trough, when my FWS professor asked us to debrief on the 200-page reading assignment that, quite frankly, I thought was a joke. I laughed for a moment, thinking that it would be…

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Student Dreads Return Home to Her Fighting Hamsters Over Break

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

WESTCHESTER, NY—Freshman Jasper Griffith ‘21 would rather stay in Ithaca over break, but is instead reluctantly returning home to visit her bickering hamsters, Martha and Lance. “My house just doesn’t feel like a home anymore. It’s a cold atmosphere. Martha and Lance can’t stop fighting, and it’s ripping my family a new asshole,” said Griffith…

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