Skip to content
December 18, 2025
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
  • CU NoozMagazine | Spring 2025 Issue
Headlines
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds

    6 days ago6 days ago
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period

    7 days ago7 days ago
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Home
  • Hamster

Hamster

  • Uncategorized

OP-ED: I Sacrificed My Roommate’s Therapy Hamster to My Sneaky Link’s Therapy Cat to Appease the CourseGrab Gods

Nooz Staff4 years ago04 mins

I was sitting in my first Zoom class of the semester, blissfully chewing the singular grape I salvaged from the Toni Morisson honeydew trough, when my FWS professor asked us to debrief on the 200-page reading assignment that, quite frankly, I thought was a joke. I laughed for a moment, thinking that it would be…

Read More
  • Uncategorized

Student Dreads Return Home to Her Fighting Hamsters Over Break

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

WESTCHESTER, NY—Freshman Jasper Griffith ‘21 would rather stay in Ithaca over break, but is instead reluctantly returning home to visit her bickering hamsters, Martha and Lance. “My house just doesn’t feel like a home anymore. It’s a cold atmosphere. Martha and Lance can’t stop fighting, and it’s ripping my family a new asshole,” said Griffith…

Read More
You're never going to believe this but "This organization is a registered student organization of Cornell University." Newsmatic - News WordPress Theme 2025. Powered By BlazeThemes.