July 4th – CU Nooz

Headlines

Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
4 days ago4 days ago
Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
5 days ago5 days ago
Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
6 days ago6 days ago
Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library
1 week ago1 week ago
Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame
2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress
2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

CHICAGO, IL—After being asked “How was your weekend?” as he entered the office, summer intern Connor Lee ‘18 concluded this morning upon gathering data from Monday and Tuesday that, holy shit, it’s Wednesday. “On Monday I just chilled at home, then on Tuesday I hung with my family at the lake, and then…holy shit, it’s…

Student In Charge of Planning America-Themed Family Mixer

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

ARLINGTON, VA—Due to his extensive experience in organizing social events as a member of a fraternity, Winston Jepson ’19 has been trusted to plan an America-themed family mixer this July 4th. “People wearing red, white, and blue enter no questions asked, but if you’re lame then at least bring alcohol for the pregame,” Jepson’s memo…