July 4th – CU Nooz

Headlines

“Unfortunately, We Had Many Qualified Candidates,” Sings A Capella Group At 2am Outside Your Window
2 days ago2 days ago
Coefficient of Kinetic Friction Between You and Gray Slush Says Eat Shit Nerd
3 days ago3 days ago
Bing Chilling? February Break Spent Celebrating Chinese New Year In Auspicious Binghamton Getaway
4 days ago4 days ago
“Close Enough” Match Pairs Hundreds of Proximity-Based Situationships
1 week ago1 week ago
Trendy Multicolored Scarf No Match for Arctic Windchill
1 week ago1 week ago
Hazing Club Suspended For Paperwork Issue
1 week ago1 week ago

Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

CHICAGO, IL—After being asked “How was your weekend?” as he entered the office, summer intern Connor Lee ‘18 concluded this morning upon gathering data from Monday and Tuesday that, holy shit, it’s Wednesday. “On Monday I just chilled at home, then on Tuesday I hung with my family at the lake, and then…holy shit, it’s…

Student In Charge of Planning America-Themed Family Mixer

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

ARLINGTON, VA—Due to his extensive experience in organizing social events as a member of a fraternity, Winston Jepson ’19 has been trusted to plan an America-themed family mixer this July 4th. “People wearing red, white, and blue enter no questions asked, but if you’re lame then at least bring alcohol for the pregame,” Jepson’s memo…