July 4th – CU Nooz

Headlines

Birder Aboard Doomed Plane Gleefully Identifies Species of Goose Flying Into Engine
11 months ago11 months ago
Whoa, Buster! Bundle of Big Sporty Fellows in Dining Hall Sure Are Hungry
11 months ago11 months ago
Pope Sick
11 months ago11 months ago
“Put Me In, Coach!” Zeus Patron Benched
11 months ago11 months ago
Girls Night! Gaggle of Amorphous Puffer Jackets Mobilizes Toward Level B
12 months ago12 months ago
Top Consulting Clubs Welcome Next Generation of Highly Qualified Donut Salesmen
12 months ago

Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

CHICAGO, IL—After being asked “How was your weekend?” as he entered the office, summer intern Connor Lee ‘18 concluded this morning upon gathering data from Monday and Tuesday that, holy shit, it’s Wednesday. “On Monday I just chilled at home, then on Tuesday I hung with my family at the lake, and then…holy shit, it’s…

Student In Charge of Planning America-Themed Family Mixer

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

ARLINGTON, VA—Due to his extensive experience in organizing social events as a member of a fraternity, Winston Jepson ’19 has been trusted to plan an America-themed family mixer this July 4th. “People wearing red, white, and blue enter no questions asked, but if you’re lame then at least bring alcohol for the pregame,” Jepson’s memo…