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Headlines

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel
8 years ago8 years ago
Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes
8 years ago
Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday
8 years ago8 years ago
Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell
9 years ago
Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
9 years ago9 years ago
Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks
9 years ago9 years ago

Sub from Jansen’s Swaddled Like Newborn Child

Nooz Staff4 years ago02 mins

JANSEN’S MARKET—With the tenderness of a loving mother to her newborn child, Geoffrey Wu ‘25 retrieved a small wool blanket from his bag at noon today and gently wrapped it around the Southwest Chipotle Chicken Ranch Sub he had just picked up from Jansen’s Market. “I was craving a sub, so I went to Jansen’s,”…

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel

Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes

Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday

Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell

Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was

Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks

Sub from Jansen’s Swaddled Like Newborn Child