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March 6, 2026
  • First Frisbee of Spring Sees Shadow, Predicts No More Weeks of Winter
  • Iran Not Close To Nuclear Capability, Says New Radioactive Super-Ayatollah
  • Fire Hazard! Asbestos Removal Notices Cover Over 10% of Dorm Room Wall Space
  • Terrorism Enthusiasts Excited For New Batch of Extremist Organizations to Emerge After Iran War
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  • First Frisbee of Spring Sees Shadow, Predicts No More Weeks of Winter

    1 day ago1 day ago
  • Iran Not Close To Nuclear Capability, Says New Radioactive Super-Ayatollah

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Fire Hazard! Asbestos Removal Notices Cover Over 10% of Dorm Room Wall Space

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • Terrorism Enthusiasts Excited For New Batch of Extremist Organizations to Emerge After Iran War

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • Colin Joust to Headline Cornell Renaissance Faire

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Report: ‘Interim’ Boyfriend Still Unlikely to Go Official

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Cornell Announces All Log Ins Will Require a Signed Permission Form From Mommy

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—In a surprise announcement by the administration this Tuesday, Cornell will  replace Duo Mobile with a permission form to take home to Mommy in its newest efforts in the war on cybercrime. “I think this new system is just lovely,” remarked Kaitlyn McCullough, mother of Xander McCullough ‘23, as she cut up a PB&J…

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OP-ED: Inconsiderate Asshole Is Successful When I Am Not

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago03 mins

In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later.  Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…

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