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December 7, 2025
  • Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame
  • Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress
  • Trump Administration Questions Whether Black Friday Got There on its Own Merit
  • Fun Aunt Put Marshmallows in Hers
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  • Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • Linda The Kids Miss You Come Back: My Ex-Wife Look Alike Contest Announced

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • New Flo “Wrapped” Feature to Detail Top Five Pregnancy Scares of 2024

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • “A Date Which Will Live in Infamy”: Student Bombs Prelim

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • Op-Ed: I Don’t Have Anxiety I Just Have the Bestest Heart that Beats the Fastest Forever

    1 year ago1 year ago
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mommy

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Cornell Announces All Log Ins Will Require a Signed Permission Form From Mommy

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—In a surprise announcement by the administration this Tuesday, Cornell will  replace Duo Mobile with a permission form to take home to Mommy in its newest efforts in the war on cybercrime. “I think this new system is just lovely,” remarked Kaitlyn McCullough, mother of Xander McCullough ‘23, as she cut up a PB&J…

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OP-ED: Inconsiderate Asshole Is Successful When I Am Not

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago03 mins

In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later.  Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…

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