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October 14, 2025
  • Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru
  • Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words
  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule
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  • Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words

    5 days ago
  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Flipped Classroom Professor Not Sure What’s Going On, Asks If You Have Any Idea

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Senior Still in Model UN Working Towards Killer Common App Resume

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
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Cornell Announces All Log Ins Will Require a Signed Permission Form From Mommy

Nooz Staff4 years ago4 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—In a surprise announcement by the administration this Tuesday, Cornell will  replace Duo Mobile with a permission form to take home to Mommy in its newest efforts in the war on cybercrime. “I think this new system is just lovely,” remarked Kaitlyn McCullough, mother of Xander McCullough ‘23, as she cut up a PB&J…

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OP-ED: Inconsiderate Asshole Is Successful When I Am Not

Nooz Staff4 years ago4 years ago03 mins

In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later.  Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…

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