Skip to content
October 14, 2025
  • Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru
  • Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words
  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule
CU Nooz

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
  • About
  • Disclaimer
  • Write for Us
  • Advertising with CU Nooz
  • Podcasts
    • CU Interviooz
  • CU NoozMagazine | Spring 2025 Issue
Headlines
  • Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words

    5 days ago
  • Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Flipped Classroom Professor Not Sure What’s Going On, Asks If You Have Any Idea

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Senior Still in Model UN Working Towards Killer Common App Resume

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Home
  • reading

reading

  • Uncategorized

University Just Cancels Class Because It Didn’t Do The Reading

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…

Read More
  • Uncategorized

Asshole Professor Assigns Reading When All the Other Shit Is Due

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago01 mins

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL – In what is sure to be received as a total dick move by his Earth Science students, asshole Professor Robert Simpson assigned a ninety-page reading for Monday when all everyone’s other shit is due. “This guy’s a total shithead,” said Peter Clegg ‘17, turning two pages without looking at the reading,…

Read More
You're never going to believe this but "This organization is a registered student organization of Cornell University." Newsmatic - News WordPress Theme 2025. Powered By BlazeThemes.