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March 17, 2026
  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare
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  • Op-Ed: My Candle Ritual Would Have Made My Situationship Like Me Back If the Fire Inspection Guys Hadn’t Confiscated It

    38 minutes ago38 minutes ago
  • Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir

    44 minutes ago44 minutes ago
  • Short Ginger Friend Hides Box of Edibles at End of Rainbow

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • “It’s 6 O’clock Somewhere”: Upperclassman Begs to Not Pay Bus Fare

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots

    4 days ago4 days ago
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long

    5 days ago5 days ago
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University Just Cancels Class Because It Didn’t Do The Reading

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…

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Asshole Professor Assigns Reading When All the Other Shit Is Due

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago01 mins

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL – In what is sure to be received as a total dick move by his Earth Science students, asshole Professor Robert Simpson assigned a ninety-page reading for Monday when all everyone’s other shit is due. “This guy’s a total shithead,” said Peter Clegg ‘17, turning two pages without looking at the reading,…

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