snow day – CU Nooz

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Birder Aboard Doomed Plane Gleefully Identifies Species of Goose Flying Into Engine
11 months ago11 months ago
Whoa, Buster! Bundle of Big Sporty Fellows in Dining Hall Sure Are Hungry
11 months ago11 months ago
Pope Sick
11 months ago11 months ago
“Put Me In, Coach!” Zeus Patron Benched
11 months ago11 months ago
Girls Night! Gaggle of Amorphous Puffer Jackets Mobilizes Toward Level B
12 months ago12 months ago
Top Consulting Clubs Welcome Next Generation of Highly Qualified Donut Salesmen
12 months ago

Cornell Officially Closes at 5 AM, Professor Moves Class to 4 AM

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

BAKER HALL—After Cornell announced that campus will be closed starting at 5 AM, dedicated chemistry professor Chuck E. Chang had no choice but to drag his students into lecture at the crisp hour of 4 in the morning. “Normally I don’t allow beverages in my classroom, but I made a special exception for those students…

University Just Cancels Class Because It Didn’t Do The Reading

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…