snow day – CU Nooz

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Dim-Witted Bird Chooses Uris Hall as Nesting Site Instead of Beautiful, Flowering Tree
3 days ago
University Report Finds Students Need to Be Better Supported, but Ugh, It So Much Work Though
4 days ago4 days ago
E&S Major Using ChatGPT Calls It Even
4 days ago4 days ago
Harry Potter Ass Motherfucker Studying Under Olin Stairs
5 days ago5 days ago
Aww! Daily Sun Wants to Be Just Like Favorite Satire Publication When They Grow Up
5 days ago5 days ago
Ty Dolla $ign Still Waiting for OurBus Back From Syracuse Airport
6 days ago6 days ago

Cornell Officially Closes at 5 AM, Professor Moves Class to 4 AM

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

BAKER HALL—After Cornell announced that campus will be closed starting at 5 AM, dedicated chemistry professor Chuck E. Chang had no choice but to drag his students into lecture at the crisp hour of 4 in the morning. “Normally I don’t allow beverages in my classroom, but I made a special exception for those students…

University Just Cancels Class Because It Didn’t Do The Reading

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…