snow day – CU Nooz

Headlines

Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
2 days ago2 days ago
Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
4 days ago4 days ago
Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
5 days ago5 days ago
Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library
6 days ago6 days ago
Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame
1 week ago1 week ago
Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress
2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Cornell Officially Closes at 5 AM, Professor Moves Class to 4 AM

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

BAKER HALL—After Cornell announced that campus will be closed starting at 5 AM, dedicated chemistry professor Chuck E. Chang had no choice but to drag his students into lecture at the crisp hour of 4 in the morning. “Normally I don’t allow beverages in my classroom, but I made a special exception for those students…

University Just Cancels Class Because It Didn’t Do The Reading

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—After pulling an all-nighter and taking two prelims this week, the exhausted University has decided to just cancel class because it didn’t do the reading. “Usually I just squeeze out some state-of-the-art bullshit for participation credit, but fuck it—I’m so done with this semester,” said the University while getting ready to go out for…