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April 3, 2026
  • Engineering School Phoenix Rises From the Asbestos
  • “But Promise You Won’t Be Mad If I Tell You?” Slope Day Committee Announces Artist Lineup
  • Club Members Force Feed Students 20 Cold Chicken Sandwiches to Meet Fundraiser Quota
  • Idiot Professor Points to Blank Screen After iPad Shuts Off
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  • “What Are You Talking About? Slope Day Just Happened”: Administration Tries New Tactic After Failing to Source Replacement Artist

    11 months ago
  • Two Birds, One Stone! Jerry from Craigslist Booked as Slope Day Headliner, Convocation Speaker

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • Circle of Elders Regales Freshmen With Stories of the Before-Times When the Clocktower Was Free

    11 months ago6 months ago
  • Girl Power! Group of Girlies Take Elevator Up to 7th Floor of Olin

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • EDITORIAL | Nooz Will Endorse You For Student Assembly, Dependent On How Willing You Are To Push Our Interests

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • “Hi, Mind If We Ask You a Quick Question?” Admitted Student’s Family Member Somehow Inside of Your Room

    12 months ago12 months ago
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Student Assembly

  • Cornell

Students Can’t Wait To Learn What Fee University Imposes This Year

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL – Helplessly buzzing with anticipation over their next tuition supplement, returning students are on the edge of their seats to find out what fee Cornell will charge them this year. “Personally, my bet’s with something clothing related, like a Hat Fee,” speculated Senior Gavin Treyhoust, who went on to explain that a potential…

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  • Cornell

Who Should You Vote For in the SA Presidential Election?

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago03 mins

We here at CU Nooz seek to provide our readers with the key facts they need to choose which candidate they think is best suited to serve as president of the Student Assembly. So here are the reasons you should vote for each of the SA Presidential election candidates: Vote for Matthew Stefanko if: You…

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  • Cornell

SA President Busy Rehearsing Speech for Trustees to Ignore

Nooz Staff11 years ago02 mins

STATLER HALL — According to insider information, SA President Sarah Balik is diligently rehearsing her speech which the Board of Trustees will almost immediately ignore. Initial reports indicate that Balik had spent a minimum of seven hours meticulously poring over her speech so that it is as clear, concise, and moving as possible before spending…

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