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March 13, 2026
  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges
  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester
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  • CTB Declares War on Qahwah House, Fires 300 Espresso Shots

    2 hours ago1 hour ago
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long

    23 hours ago23 hours ago
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges

    24 hours ago24 hours ago
  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Local Jester Actually Prefers Fool’s Spring

    3 days ago3 days ago
  • Frolicking Squirrel Thinks It’s Funny You Bombed That Prelim

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Student Assembly

  • Cornell

Students Can’t Wait To Learn What Fee University Imposes This Year

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL – Helplessly buzzing with anticipation over their next tuition supplement, returning students are on the edge of their seats to find out what fee Cornell will charge them this year. “Personally, my bet’s with something clothing related, like a Hat Fee,” speculated Senior Gavin Treyhoust, who went on to explain that a potential…

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  • Cornell

Who Should You Vote For in the SA Presidential Election?

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago03 mins

We here at CU Nooz seek to provide our readers with the key facts they need to choose which candidate they think is best suited to serve as president of the Student Assembly. So here are the reasons you should vote for each of the SA Presidential election candidates: Vote for Matthew Stefanko if: You…

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  • Cornell

SA President Busy Rehearsing Speech for Trustees to Ignore

Nooz Staff11 years ago02 mins

STATLER HALL — According to insider information, SA President Sarah Balik is diligently rehearsing her speech which the Board of Trustees will almost immediately ignore. Initial reports indicate that Balik had spent a minimum of seven hours meticulously poring over her speech so that it is as clear, concise, and moving as possible before spending…

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