university

Dyson Junior Networks Too Hard, Marries Goldman Sachs Recruiter

Nooz Staff8 years ago01 mins

SAGE CHAPEL—After schmoozing with Goldman Sachs recruiter Meredith Hook at a company information session last Thursday, Zackary Chase ‘20 found himself in a marriage engagement, rather than landing a prestigious job as he originally intended. “When I handed her my resume and she saw my 2.79 GPA, I thought I was done for,” said Chase,…

Read Full News

Freshman Unsure Which Washing Machine Full of Cornell T-Shirts is Hers

Nooz Staff8 years ago01 mins

LOW RISE 6—Freshman Rachel Xiong’s first attempt at doing laundry since coming to college was brought to a halt yesterday after she could not determine which load of red and gray Cornell t-shirts belonged to her. “It’s a complete disaster. I put all my clothes in there—Arts and Sciences T-shirts for daily wear, Big Red…

Read Full News

“I’ll See You In Court”: Student Mistakes CKB Resident’s Invitation As Legal Threat

Morrison Stir-Fry Station Switches to Cup & Ball Scam for Food Pickup

Cornell President Warns Replacing President Would Harm Cornell, Cornell President

Halloween Enthusiast Disappointed by Ithaca Wine & Spirits

Throbbing Hangover Headache Met With 7:45 A.M. Clocktower Rendition of “Here Comes The Sun”

“You Know, Too Much Sleep Is Actually Bad For You,” Student Tells Person-Shaped Bush

“Yeah I Was in the Hood,” Says Rich White Biology Student Misleadingly Talking About Fume Hood

Inconsiderate Asshole With No Concept of Personal Space Sits Within 5 Seats of You in Lecture Hall

Inhabitants of Local Valley Starting to Regret Construction of Hole-in-the-wall Restaurant in Hydroelectric Dam

Tompkins County DA Relieved to Go Back to Dismissing Other Cases

Dyson Junior Networks Too Hard, Marries Goldman Sachs Recruiter

Freshman Unsure Which Washing Machine Full of Cornell T-Shirts is Hers