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March 13, 2026
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long
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  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester
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Masked, Crowbar-Wielding Kathy Zoner Leaves Force to Take Matters Into Own Hands

Nooz Staff7 years ago7 years ago03 mins

HO PLAZA—After repurposing a black satin curtain and a crowbar from the trunk of her ’97 Ford convertible, longtime police chief Kathy Zoner has left the Cornell Police force to take matters into her own hands. Zoner’s intensity has only seemed to increase since her resignation, and many students are still adapting to the crowbar-wielding…

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