February 13, 2014

Student Breaks World Record Time Driving Home for Break

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago04 mins

BROOKLYN, NY – In a thrilling turn of events, Jake Glassner ‘14 drove home from Cornell University to metropolitan New York City area in a record-breaking time of 3:06, taking a gold medal home to his parents and his country. “I’ve trained my whole life for this,” said Glassner. “Ever since my family drove up…

Job Market Looks Promising for Graduates, According to Mom

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago02 mins

NEW HAVEN, CT- The job market for Cornell students graduating in 2014 is looking great, according to the mother of Kyle Westing, ’14. “Cathy’s son, remember him? He just got a job out in California. You’ll be sure to find a job!” said Mrs. Westing, talking to the 22-year-old archaeology major over the phone. With…

“What Are You Talking About? Slope Day Just Happened”: Administration Tries New Tactic After Failing to Source Replacement Artist

Two Birds, One Stone! Jerry from Craigslist Booked as Slope Day Headliner, Convocation Speaker

Circle of Elders Regales Freshmen With Stories of the Before-Times When the Clocktower Was Free

Girl Power! Group of Girlies Take Elevator Up to 7th Floor of Olin

EDITORIAL | Nooz Will Endorse You For Student Assembly, Dependent On How Willing You Are To Push Our Interests

“Hi, Mind If We Ask You a Quick Question?” Admitted Student’s Family Member Somehow Inside of Your Room

February 13, 2014

Student Breaks World Record Time Driving Home for Break

Job Market Looks Promising for Graduates, According to Mom