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December 18, 2025
  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library
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  • Catch Me If You Can! CUPD Seen Sledding Down Slope in Pursuit of Evil Students Vandalizing Libe Slope with Evil Sleds

    6 days ago6 days ago
  • Angsty Student Body Clearly Has Study Period

    7 days ago7 days ago
  • Olin Elevator Dead at Level B

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Partisan Gerrymandering Threatens to Remove 15 Seats from Uris Library

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Fatass Inducted Into Dining Hall of Fame

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
  • Willard Straight Hall Turns 100, Runs for Congress

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  • 13

February 13, 2014

  • Uncategorized

Student Breaks World Record Time Driving Home for Break

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago04 mins

BROOKLYN, NY – In a thrilling turn of events, Jake Glassner ‘14 drove home from Cornell University to metropolitan New York City area in a record-breaking time of 3:06, taking a gold medal home to his parents and his country. “I’ve trained my whole life for this,” said Glassner. “Ever since my family drove up…

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  • Uncategorized

Job Market Looks Promising for Graduates, According to Mom

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago02 mins

NEW HAVEN, CT- The job market for Cornell students graduating in 2014 is looking great, according to the mother of Kyle Westing, ’14. “Cathy’s son, remember him? He just got a job out in California. You’ll be sure to find a job!” said Mrs. Westing, talking to the 22-year-old archaeology major over the phone. With…

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