April 15, 2014 – CU Nooz

Headlines

Stampeding OurBus Herd Crushes Unsuspecting Subaru
2 days ago2 days ago
Aww! Discussion Section Classmate Says First Words
3 days ago
Cornell Republicans Blame Radical Left for Shutdown of Morrison Dole Whip Machine
5 days ago5 days ago
National Guard Numbers Dwindle as Troops Assimilated into Greater Portland Polycule
6 days ago6 days ago
Flipped Classroom Professor Not Sure What’s Going On, Asks If You Have Any Idea
1 week ago1 week ago
Senior Still in Model UN Working Towards Killer Common App Resume
1 week ago1 week ago

“What The Fuck” Forecasted for This Week

Nooz Staff12 years ago11 years ago01 mins

The National Weather Service has issued a severe weather warning to residents of Tompkins county due to high chances of what the fuck. Meteorologists say that during the coming days there is an 80% chance of bullshit, with a strong god dammit coming from the north at 12 mph. Temperatures will drop as low as…

Study: Ho Plaza Eye Contact Found to Be Deadly

Nooz Staff12 years ago11 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – In a cross-department study performed by sociology professor Howard Lipton and tenured biology researcher Dr. Mangold Biggins, the longstanding Cornell practice of making eye contact on Ho Plaza has been deemed a certain cause of death. According to Lipton and Biggins, the human body goes into immediate cardiac arrest when even a…