April 15, 2014 – CU Nooz

Headlines

FWS On “Socioeconomic Impacts Of 19th Century French Colonialism” Surprisingly Not As Fun As FWS On “Watching Movies With Joyous Whimsy”
11 months ago11 months ago
“If you love something, set it free,” Student Deletes App Just Downloaded for Free Donut
12 months ago12 months ago
OP-ED: Hey Ryan, So Like Now That You’re On Sabbatical, I Was Wondering If You’d Like To Maybe Hang Out Sometime Soon? We Can Grab Coffee On Friday Haha. I’m Sort Of Behind On Rent So If You Could Pay That Would Be Cool
12 months ago12 months ago
Brain Break! Reading Contains Graph Full of Important Information
12 months ago12 months ago
Report: Vitamin D Supplements Doing Little to Hinder Bleak, Hopeless Future
12 months ago12 months ago
Frat With No Pledges Handing Out Sad Little Pamphlets Outside Dining Hall Like An A Capella Group
2 years ago2 years ago

“What The Fuck” Forecasted for This Week

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago01 mins

The National Weather Service has issued a severe weather warning to residents of Tompkins county due to high chances of what the fuck. Meteorologists say that during the coming days there is an 80% chance of bullshit, with a strong god dammit coming from the north at 12 mph. Temperatures will drop as low as…

Study: Ho Plaza Eye Contact Found to Be Deadly

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – In a cross-department study performed by sociology professor Howard Lipton and tenured biology researcher Dr. Mangold Biggins, the longstanding Cornell practice of making eye contact on Ho Plaza has been deemed a certain cause of death. According to Lipton and Biggins, the human body goes into immediate cardiac arrest when even a…