April 15, 2014 – CU Nooz

Headlines

OP-ED: Fuck, Time to Scrap That “Worker’s Rights” Theme Year
2 years ago2 years ago
Freshman from England Used to Eating Inedible Food
2 years ago2 years ago
Overachievers? Couple in The Back of Hideaway Already Busy Making Double Legacies
3 years ago3 years ago
Qatar Campus To Celebrate ‘Limit of Expression’ Year
3 years ago5 months ago
OP-ED: Dear Freshmen, that Twenty-Person O-Week Friend Group is Much Cooler Than You and If You Don’t Have Best Friends Yet, Just Give Up Trying
3 years ago5 months ago
Freshman Patiently Waiting to Cross College Ave Gets Hit by Car Anyway
3 years ago5 months ago

“What The Fuck” Forecasted for This Week

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago01 mins

The National Weather Service has issued a severe weather warning to residents of Tompkins county due to high chances of what the fuck. Meteorologists say that during the coming days there is an 80% chance of bullshit, with a strong god dammit coming from the north at 12 mph. Temperatures will drop as low as…

Study: Ho Plaza Eye Contact Found to Be Deadly

Nooz Staff12 years ago12 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – In a cross-department study performed by sociology professor Howard Lipton and tenured biology researcher Dr. Mangold Biggins, the longstanding Cornell practice of making eye contact on Ho Plaza has been deemed a certain cause of death. According to Lipton and Biggins, the human body goes into immediate cardiac arrest when even a…