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  • 2014
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  • 16

April 16, 2014

  • Cornell

Varsity Hockey Player Pre-Enrolls in Straight A’s

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago03 mins

ITHACA- Following his completion of pre-enroll, varsity hockey player Tucker Maclin ’15, announced his excitement at the fact that next semester he will, like all previous semesters, be receiving a 4.0 GPA . This incredible feat will be accomplished while taking a substantial 18 credits, only having classes on Wednesdays, and with the stipulation that…

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  • Cornell

Happy Dave Transcends Into Higher Plane of Existence

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago02 mins

Cornell Dining announced earlier today that Okenshields greeter David Sepulveda, commonly known as “Happy Dave,” has elevated into a higher level of being. Having been happy for so long, he has developed an understanding of the universe incomprehensible to other humans. As a result, he has transformed into a creature of the higher dimensions. “Dave…

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