September 24, 2014

OP-ED: I’m Not Afraid of You, Punk.

Nooz Staff12 years ago02 mins

By a squirrel. You wanna go, you piece of shit? I’ll do it, man, don’t test me! You think just because I’m a squirrel and you’re an adult human being, I’m afraid of you? I’ll kill you! I’LL KILL YOU! I’ve been the top squirrel around here for months, man. I don’t mess around, and…

Read Full News

Both Roommates Waiting for Right Time to Put Up Katy Perry Poster

Nooz Staff12 years ago01 mins

DICKSON HALL- Even after being at school for over a month, sources state that roommates Jesse Turner and Dean Mathers and both still waiting for the right time to put up their respective Katy Perry posters. “I love Katy Perry, that’s for sure. I just don’t want anyone to know,” professed Mathers, who keeps all…

Read Full News

Professor Spices Up Syllabus With Jokes Like “Attendance is Mandatory”

Outfit Shabby Enough to Do Work in Math Library Today

Super Seniors Devastated to Learn of “No Game” in Freshman Dorms

Worst Guy You Know Looking For Manic Pixie Tylenol Users

Wasian Student Association To Host Mixer

Dumb Friend Finds New Way to Pronounce La Colombe

Graph Theory Professor Planning Trip to North Campus Stumped by Odd Number of Bridges

Guy Looking to Blow $100,000 Can’t Decide Between H-1B Visa or One Year of Cornell Tuition

ExxonMobil Exec Promises Net-Zero Emissions By End of World

Collegetown Boba Cafe Opens Next to Collegetown Boba Cafe, Under Collegetown Boba Cafe

September 24, 2014

OP-ED: I’m Not Afraid of You, Punk.

Both Roommates Waiting for Right Time to Put Up Katy Perry Poster