September 24, 2014

Headlines

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel
9 years ago9 years ago
Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes
9 years ago
Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday
9 years ago9 years ago
Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell
10 years ago
Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
10 years ago10 years ago
Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks
10 years ago10 years ago

OP-ED: I’m Not Afraid of You, Punk.

Nooz Staff12 years ago02 mins

By a squirrel. You wanna go, you piece of shit? I’ll do it, man, don’t test me! You think just because I’m a squirrel and you’re an adult human being, I’m afraid of you? I’ll kill you! I’LL KILL YOU! I’ve been the top squirrel around here for months, man. I don’t mess around, and…

Both Roommates Waiting for Right Time to Put Up Katy Perry Poster

Nooz Staff12 years ago02 mins

DICKSON HALL- Even after being at school for over a month, sources state that roommates Jesse Turner and Dean Mathers and both still waiting for the right time to put up their respective Katy Perry posters. “I love Katy Perry, that’s for sure. I just don’t want anyone to know,” professed Mathers, who keeps all…