September 24, 2014

Headlines

Nest-less Campus Birds Seen Eagerly Eyeing Boris Johnson’s Hair
21 hours ago21 hours ago
Last Remaining Senior Days Event Just Bottle of Liquor in Paper Bag
21 hours ago21 hours ago
New Food Truck Fills Midnight Raw Fish Niche in Collegetown Restaurant Scene
2 days ago2 days ago
Dim-Witted Bird Chooses Uris Hall as Nesting Site Instead of Beautiful, Flowering Tree
6 days ago
University Report Finds Students Need to Be Better Supported, but Ugh, It So Much Work Though
7 days ago7 days ago
E&S Major Using ChatGPT Calls It Even
7 days ago7 days ago

OP-ED: I’m Not Afraid of You, Punk.

Nooz Staff12 years ago02 mins

By a squirrel. You wanna go, you piece of shit? I’ll do it, man, don’t test me! You think just because I’m a squirrel and you’re an adult human being, I’m afraid of you? I’ll kill you! I’LL KILL YOU! I’ve been the top squirrel around here for months, man. I don’t mess around, and…

Both Roommates Waiting for Right Time to Put Up Katy Perry Poster

Nooz Staff12 years ago02 mins

DICKSON HALL- Even after being at school for over a month, sources state that roommates Jesse Turner and Dean Mathers and both still waiting for the right time to put up their respective Katy Perry posters. “I love Katy Perry, that’s for sure. I just don’t want anyone to know,” professed Mathers, who keeps all…