August 25, 2015 – CU Nooz

Headlines

Nest-less Campus Birds Seen Eagerly Eyeing Boris Johnson’s Hair
2 days ago2 days ago
Last Remaining Senior Days Event Just Bottle of Liquor in Paper Bag
2 days ago2 days ago
New Food Truck Fills Midnight Raw Fish Niche in Collegetown Restaurant Scene
3 days ago3 days ago
Dim-Witted Bird Chooses Uris Hall as Nesting Site Instead of Beautiful, Flowering Tree
7 days ago
University Report Finds Students Need to Be Better Supported, but Ugh, It So Much Work Though
1 week ago1 week ago
E&S Major Using ChatGPT Calls It Even
1 week ago1 week ago

Elizabeth Garrett Fails Swim Test

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago02 mins

TEAGLE HALL — After failing to swim the requisite 75 yards, Elizabeth Garrett was disappointed to announce she had not passed the water safety competency test enforced by the University. She will now need to enroll in PE 1100 – Beginning Swimming and pass the course before the end of her tenure, in order to…

Outdated Chemistry Syllabus Confirms Year Still 2012

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago02 mins

BAKER LAB — At today’s first lecture of CHEM 2140, an outdated syllabus officially revealed that this year’s course takes place once again during Fall semester 2012. Professor Janice Stocking was proud to acknowledge that her syllabus transcends time, that the year of Tim Tebow and the Mayan Apocalypse was expressly selected for this offering…