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November 3, 2025
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2016

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Rawlings Warns Grad Students That Union Might Give Them Brief Glimmer of Happiness

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL – In response to a major push at Cornell toward forming the first graduate student union in the school’s history, Interim President Hunter Rawlings III sent an email out earlier today warning the university that unionizing would offer Masters and PhD students a brief glimmer of hope and happiness unseen since beginning their…

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Lovelorn, Studious Freshman Returns to Same Mann Every Night

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

AG QUAD — Sneaking out of her room every night without waking up her roommate, Michaela Roth, ’20, has been traversing the path to return to the same Mann. “I’ve had so much work lately, and it’s just so comforting to be there with him. I mean in him. In Mann,” says Roth. The freshman…

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Collegetown Landlord Raises Lease Period to Five Years

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

COLLEGETOWN – Frustrated by the occupancy turnover rate at his Collegetown property, local landlord Henry Maier is now requiring a minimum five-year lease for all incoming renters. “At first I couldn’t figure out why tenants were so eager to move out,” Maier said of students living in his seven Collegetown properties. “Then I realized, they…

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Campus Squirrel Contemplates Digging 1,500 Small Holes

Nooz Staff9 years ago01 mins

TOWER ROAD — Speedily rubbing its paws together and darting its tail this way and that, an indecisive campus squirrel reportedly contemplated whether or not to dig over one thousand small holes in the ground. “Those woodchips over there look pretty easy to move around. I could probably dig a few holes by that tree…

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Campus Breathes Sigh of Relief as Football Team Loses Third Straight Game

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

ARTS QUAD – Members of the Cornell community breathed a collective sigh of relief as the varsity football team lost its third straight game, to Brown, following a 3-0 start to the season. “It was tense there for a while, especially after that third win,” said Jake Gordon ’19, “but I knew the team would…

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Helen Newman Bowling Alley Prepares for Visiting Dads on Parents’ Weekend

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

NORTH CAMPUS — Ordering extra balls and stocking the fridges with extra beers, the Helen Newman Bowling Alley is busy preparing for the hundreds of dads visiting over this Parents’ Weekend. “Wax that floor! Clean the deep fryer! Polish those men’s size 11 shoes!” shouted bowling attendant Murphy Howard, making sure the facilities are in…

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OP-ED: Can The Daily Sun’s “Sex on Thursday” Columnist Please Stop Boning My Girlfriend?

Nooz Staff9 years ago03 mins

Believe me. I enjoy The Daily Sun’s opinion pieces as much as the next guy. They cover a lot of useful information and interesting topics with thoughtful perspectives. But I have a problem with the Sex on Thursdays column. Specifically, I want whoever writes that column to please stop boning my girlfriend. I get that…

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Administration Pretty Stoked Everybody Seems to Have Forgotten About Health Fee

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL – Today, over a year and a half since the Gannett Health Fee was enacted, reports indicate that the university administrators are pretty stoked that everybody seems to have outright forgotten about the fee, which at the time incited anger and protests from students opposed to the unnecessary bursar charge. “Nobody is really…

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Professor Drops Class at Last Possible Minute

Nooz Staff9 years ago9 years ago02 mins

KENNEDY HALL – Noting that it was a hard but necessary move, Professor Larry Miller, Biology and Society, has dropped his Communication in Medicine class only hours before the end of the penalty-free drop period. “I couldn’t handle the stress,” Miller stated when asked about his last-minute decision. “I’m already teaching 16 other credits, and…

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Student Texting During Class Has Literally No Idea What Professor Is Saying

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

BAILEY HALL – Approximately fifteen minutes into her 10:10 AM lecture for Intro to Marketing, Haley O’Quinn ‘19 had literally no idea what her professor was saying after she started texting during class. “Since I was in my first morning class and hadn’t had the chance to check my phone yet, I went through my…

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