CASCADILLA HALL—Each year, campus-wide dormitory fire inspections protect students against the threat of space heaters, extension cords, and freestanding microwave ovens. This year, however, dutiful Ithaca fire marshals have been met with a new challenge—asbestos removal notifications.
According to Acting Fire Chief Samuel Smiley, local fire code mandates that no more than ten percent of dorm room walls can be covered by decorations. However, the sheer quantity of asbestos concentrated in Cascadilla Hall has resulted in removal notices being tacked onto nearly sixty percent of each wall in the building.
Incorporating these alerts into the feng shui of shared dorm rooms has stoked tensions between roommate pairs across campus. “My greedy roommate has three whole asbestos removal notices on his side of the room,” noted Harry Kolinger ‘28. “We only have enough asbestos to justify two, max.”
Cornell Housing and Residential Life could not be reached for comment. Chief Smiley, however, was optimistic that the situation would be resolved “when Casc is inevitably burned down by a drunk sophomore making ramen”.
