GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Excitement rocked the halls of Cornell’s Department of Literatures in English Wednesday after news broke that the program would be receiving an unprecedented $12 grant. The historic windfall, offered as part of a research initiative by the New York State Library, has inspired a wave of optimism regarding the department’s ability to compete in the landscape of the modern research university.
“There’s been some worry in the last few years that the arts and humanities are falling behind,” said associate professor Alina Bettschen. (An August report from the Committee on the Future of the American University listed reading, writing and critical thinking as “obsolete learning goals”.) “Fortunately, those days are behind us. I’d like to see the College of Engineering rake in this kind of dough.”
Unfortunately, department faculty remain split over the best use for the money. A sizable contingent say they would begin construction on a new wing for the leftmost bookshelf in the second-floor lounge, though several would prioritize the acquisition of a new stapler for Professor Hallack’s office.
Still others argue the funds should benefit students more directly. “This grant was calculated based on undergraduate enrollment,” explained Oren Mantzoukas, Director of Undergraduate Studies. “It’s only fair that each of our six English majors receives a portion of the prize. Perhaps two dollars will cover their print costs for a day or two.”
Despite growing tensions over the grant’s implementation, department faculty agree it bodes well for the program’s future—and their own. “With investment of this scale, the University is going to really be forced to reckon with the returns we can generate and compensate us accordingly,” said Bettschen. “If they’re not careful, they may lose us to lucrative jobs in the private sector.”
At press time, the emboldened faculty had begun negotiations with the Board of Trustees to secure an additional $8 grant for their colleagues in the History Department.
