HU SHIH HALL—Freshman math major and precious darling boy William Sorenson ‘30 spent a perplexing two hours Wednesday evening deciphering the function of the unfamiliar devices in the laundry room of his North Campus residence hall.
Onlookers say Sorenson’s arrival was heralded by an hour-long period during which the building’s elevator was stalled on the third floor, where the first-year was waiting patiently for an elevator operator. After a classmate showed him how to press the buttons, the problem-solving prodigy was able to navigate to the laundry room with the aid of a floor plan printed for him by his parents during move-in.
Despite the gifted young man’s high standardized test scores and virtuosic violin skills, William quickly encountered another challenge in identifying the correct receptacle for his dirty clothes. Having unsuccessfully tested the voice-activation capabilities of the room’s utility sink, Sorenson drifted over to the nearest washer to examine it for a laundry-sized hole.
“Mother says not to get frustrated. Mother says always to think clever thoughts. Be clever. Be clever like Papa,” murmured the determined first-year, gingerly laying a small stack of silver dollars in the machine’s detergent drawer.
By eight o’clock, William’s newfound ability to pluck lint from dryer traps proved to be his final and most insurmountable obstacle. Sorenson was seen scampering gleefully around the room, rolling a steadily-growing ball of lint between his palms, having seemingly abandoned his basket of dirty laundry.
At press time, Sorenson had stretched the lint around his shoulders, announcing “The dust is my clothes now.”
