NORTH CAMPUS — Citing evidence compiled from a poll of 2,564 seniors who have revisited North Campus since their Freshman year, a report published Tuesday by the Cornell University Survey Research Institute claims that, despite common perception, North Campus has not shrunk in size over the past three years. According to the study, nearly 97…
COLLEGETOWN — In recognition of Yom Kippur, the annual Jewish holiday of atonement during which followers often fast for a full 24 hours, Cornell student Isaac Rosen ’18 has decided to refrain from eating and reflect on the fact that he doesn’t really have any food in his house anyway. “I’m so proud to continue…
Thanks to Fall Break, my girlfriend and I are finally gonna have that bombin’ four-day non-stop bang session we’ve been waiting for. Everyone else is getting a bus ticket to New York. Me and Jennifer? Well we’ve got a bus ticket on a one way, ninety six hour ride to bangtown, nonstop. Campus is empty,…
MCGRAW HALL — Scientists have recently revealed that the GOVT 3082 lecture has a 15 percent chance of participation this semester, indicating an 85 percent chance that no one will ever speak up in a class. The professor of this 8:40AM lecture said he expected this statistic, but he’s hopeful that the recent variation in…
TOMPKINS SENIOR LIVING CENTER – Stating “it was a hard decision but the right thing to do,” Cornell University has relocated its oldest professors to a nursing home. The move wasn’t easy for Cornell; some of those professors were like grandparents to the university. However, there were numerous incidents in which the professors could have…
RHODES HALL – With increasing likelihood that she will bomb her upcoming prelim, Shari Miller ’19, who has a perfectly clear, helpful, and approachable TA in Math 1110, is out of excuses for her inability to comprehend the material. “The problem is I simply can understand everything my TA says during discussion. It’s infuriating,” said…
URIS LIBRARY – Students were temporarily distracted from studying when a loud thud echoed through the cocktail lounge today, taking their focus away from prelims for about ten seconds. “What was that?” mumbled Kerry Thomas ’18 to herself, who was finishing a problem set for her physics class at the time of the incident. Thomas…
HEALTH SERVICES – To help students stay healthy, health professionals at Gannett Health Services have released recommendations for avoiding the flu, encouraging those on campus to avoid sneezing into each other’s mouths as often as possible. “We recommend washing your hands regularly,” said Gannett physician Dr. Martin Trombly, “as well as getting plenty of sleep,…
OLIN LIBRARY — So prelims are in the news again. Crazy, huh? Am I right? You ever notice that professors try to schedule exams at the same time? Ugh, give me a break! These guys know what I’m talking about. Why are they even called prelims? What about current-lims? I’m not making this up, folks!…
Today, voting closed on Student Assembly Referendum 30, which would allow free tampons and pads in campus bathrooms. Despite undeniable support from the female population at Cornell, I decided to vote no. With tuition rising by the day, it’s not Cornell’s job to give free handouts to it’s students, unless of course, they’re handing out…
