April 2019

White People Playing Frisbee on Arts Quad Marks Return of Ithaca Spring

Nooz Staff7 years ago01 mins

ARTS QUAD—Signifying the return of spring to the Ithaca area, the season’s first flock of white frisbee players has recently taken up roost on the Arts Quad. “I love watching the first signs of Ithaca spring—the flowers start to poke up out of the ground, the days get a little longer, and just this morning…

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Pathetic Waste of Space Thinks Staying in Ithaca Over Break Was Fun

Nooz Staff7 years ago01 mins

Ithaca NY—After many of her friends returned to campus from their marvelous spring break adventures around the globe, one pathetic student actually enjoyed her time staying in Ithaca over the break. Even though she never drank the finest wines or had passionate flings with the hottest men the world had to offer, Sarah Waller ‘21…

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Biology Major Stressed About Answers to Pre-Limbs

Only Minority in Friend Group Already Knows Who She Going to Be

Ambitious Group Project Member Needs To Take The Fucking Hint

Motivational Message Etched Into Library Desk Undermined By Penis Right Beneath It

Polycule Sex Cult Still Calling Itself “Co-Op”

Cornell Announces “Raw Chicken Wednesdays” to Slim Down Large Freshman Class

Americans Defeat Fascism by Putting On Greatest Talent Show This Nation Has Ever Seen

Mamdani Debates Cuomo As World War I Flying Ace Curtis Sliwa Dogfights Infamous Red Baron

Pre-Annotated Library Book Tells Student Exactly What Important

Professor Getting All Excited About Life’s Work Again

White People Playing Frisbee on Arts Quad Marks Return of Ithaca Spring

Pathetic Waste of Space Thinks Staying in Ithaca Over Break Was Fun