PLUMTREE–An innocent night of Glee Club sake bombing turned menacing as club member and future weapons manufacturer Harrison Griffith ‘24 reportedly got “way too into” the idea of deploying sake into foreign beer territory. “As soon as I said the word ‘bomb’ his eyes lit up,” said club president Kiera Torres ‘23. “I tried telling…
LYNAH RINK- During the annual practice of Cornell’s most oceanic tradition, Sonia Steiner’s ’25 increasingly strange behavior caught the attention of her friends. “It started out normal, like, she insisted we get to Lynah an hour early so she could get as close to the ice as possible.” Reported Kirsten Gale ’25 “Sure, I thought,…
NORTH CAMPUS–A Friendsgiving dinner turned sour when Jason Pecker ‘26 launched an unprompted rant about the snow engulfing campus. What initially seemed like mere apprehension for the worsening weather turned out to be far more confusing as the rant quickly took an awkward twist. “Who cares how deep the snow is? Everything that you could…
DAY HALL—In a rare demonstration of vulnerability, President Martha Pollack opened up to students with an emotional request this Friday morning: “My phone is almost dead, does anyone have a charger I can borrow for like half an hour?” “I forgot my charger in my city office. I know what you’re thinking, ‘classic sloppy Martha,…
STEWART AVE—In a mysterious turn of events, Jacob Haddow ‘24 awoke this morning to discover a large hole in his apartment wall matching the precise proportions of his roommate. Further perplexing was his housemate’s insistence that the gaping abscess in their hallway had “always been there.” “I honestly can’t believe he doesn’t remember this,” said…
