NOOZ VIEWZ | The Editorial Board Recently Found Out About “Monopolies”
CU Nooz has always prided itself in being the only news source on campus. But recently, we have discovered an undercover publication that you probably never heard of before, the Daily Sun, and have unanimously decided to buy the Sun the moment they go bankrupt.
Founded in 1880, the Sun claims to be an independent newspaper, but would an independent newspaper blatantly copy the crossword puzzle from the LA Times? The effects of this shameless oversight are clear. Not only are paper editions not daily, but they sometimes post on Instagram after sunset! It’s clear that truth and honor are less-than-cherished at the Sun.
The Sun might have paper copies, a better website than us, and an actual building to themselves, but we think that’s rather greedy for a publication that really only needs the Instagram page. Effective immediately after the merger, we will be commandeering the printing press, and pressing the buttons at random to see what happens.
As a community-led news source that values autocracy and silencing dissenting opinions, we are henceforth placing dibs on the Daily Sun, and soon after, the Cornell Chronicle. A new sun will rise, and CU Nooz plans to take that sun, and extinguish it as a tax write-off.
