Very Hungry Friend Sets Up Hammock Vertically, Does Not Emerge

LIBE SLOPE—Excited to roleplay as the happy college students from their favorite promotional materials and stock photos, Cornellians took to the Arts Quad and Libe Slope en masse this week to enjoy the sunny weather. Yet one student with an unusually enormous appetite seems to prefer the comfort of an enclosed space, even in the great outdoors.

Erica Carle ‘27 and her friends were amidst a frolicsome game of frisbee when the sophomore entomology major spotted him. “Plenty of people set up their hammocks down here,” explained Carle, “but it’s the first time I’ve seen someone dangle upside-down from one of the upper branches and shed their skin to reveal a bright-orange superlight nylon layer underneath.”

Friends of the dangling student (identified as Christopher Alexander Liss ‘25) have described him as “colorful”, “eccentric”, and “segmented”. “Oh, yeah, Chris? He’s my gym buddy,” said Dan Chung ‘25. “He can’t lift that much, but he’s ALWAYS bulking. You should see him tear up the salad bar.”

Christopher was last spotted by Chung at Okenshield’s Monday afternoon. After making his way through one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon, Christopher reportedly told Chung that it was “time for [his] glow-up arc” and scooted his way out of the dining hall. 

“I just can’t imagine why he’d want to stay wrapped up in his hammock when the weather out here is so nice,” lamented Carle. “What a mystery! Oh, well—I guess we’ll just have to put a pin in it. Whatever experience he’s having in there must be very transformative.”