URIS HALL—The second week of classes started uneventfully, with students settling into their routines and professors getting to know their classes. However, a few terrified students in Uris Hall G01 were in for a cruel surprise.
“The professor seemed more irritated than last week. Maybe because only half the class showed up after he said attendance was optional,” said one of the surviving students.
Bystanders reported that the professor reached for the roster and declared, “I’m going to butcher these names,” before reading off a few students from the list, who were subsequently bagged, tied, and dragged from the lecture hall.
After the reaping, the professor announced to the trembling class, “Don’t worry, I’ll learn the rest of your names…eventually.”
Adding further insult to injury, witnesses say that the professor flagrantly mispronounced the names of the selected students before they were taken.
