WASHINGTON, D.C.—Millions of Americans joined No Kings protests across the country on Saturday to demonstrate nonviolently against the Trump administration. While record-breaking turnouts from Ithaca to the nation’s capital were one encouraging sign of growing anti-fascist coalition, even more impressive was participants’ fervent desire to put on the greatest talent show this nation has ever seen.
“That so many people showed up for this has me beyond excited,” said Eleanor Dempsey, a 45-year-old participant of the Lincoln Memorial protest in Washington, D.C. “The first step in fighting authoritarianism is to get out, make your voice heard. And the second step is to get that voice behind a microphone and start belting out the hits!”
The D.C. event was just one of hundreds of demonstrations across the United States that escalated into live performance as fed-up citizens vented their frustration by converting it to song, dance, and other personal talents. “Trump thinks he can just take our country for his own? Maybe he’ll think twice after he sees this!” shouted Simon Greenwood, breakdancing in an inflatable dinosaur costume as the audience erupted in cheers.
“I think what we’re seeing is a historical novelty. It’s a mass protest movement grafting itself onto this uniquely American cultural substrate,” explained political scientist Patricia Brown, actively unicycling in figure-eights. “But just because it has these performative and consumerist elements doesn’t mean it’s ineffective. Now watch me juggle these bowling pins! HEY PRESTO!”
At press time, a police officer supervising the event was recorded frowning as his foot began insuppressibly tapping along to the beat, then shrugging, grinning, and breaking into a merry jig.
