A CHILDHOOD HOME—Hosting Thanksgiving is an all-hands-on-deck affair. Mother of three Linda Lewis is especially grateful for how her adult children have stepped up and lent a helping hand to the preparations. Eldest daughter Anna picked up relatives from the airport and went grocery shopping, youngest child Sylvia deep-cleaned the living room and kitchen, and dud brother Tommy unloaded the dishwasher that one time.
“My mom was like, ‘Hey, can you do me a solid and unload the dishwasher?’ and I was like ‘yooooo maybe not,’” recalled Tommy. “I was kinda busy with, like, my stuff, but then my sisters started blowing up at me like, ‘Tommy, for once in your life be of service to others,’ ‘Tommy, you’re a lazy piece of shit,’ and I was like, ‘damn these bitches are crazy guess I gotta pause Theo Von and lock in rq.’”
After completing the task, Tommy reflected that he has a newfound appreciation for domestic upkeep. “I didn’t realize there are so many different spoons,” he observed. He now considers himself an altruist.
Not all family members were satisfied with his performance. Sylvia recalled he spent 20 minutes experimenting if bowls could be stored on their side. When asked to clean up the many bowls he broke in the process, he asked for help because he “didn’t know where the broom was.” He then spent an hour attempting to solve a makeshift Tower of Hanoi with the various sized plates.
“I lived through the depression and the war. That bitch Thomas can’t sort glassware properly,”
remarked 94-year-old matriarch Grandma Lewis.
Mom Linda was at the very least tickled her “baby boy” would make even the slightest effort of easing the holiday stress. Her next task for her newly obliging son? Cleaning up the many crusty socks in his bedroom.
