February 26, 2026

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Dozens of students were left aghast in their discussion section after their despicable professor asked them if anyone could summarize the reading no one read, which was assigned for today’s class. “It was terrifying,” shivered Marcus Vina ‘28. “He was pulling up his usual mind-numbing lecture slides, but then he turned to the…

URIS HALL—As the students in the Behavior of Neuroscience Laboratory class wrapped up the final rounds of their experiment last Wednesday, one student, Aria Romero ‘26, generously offered to take final inventory of the lab animals for her fellow classmates.  While her classmates graciously accepted and left early, reports of a suspicious figure slipping out…