March 10, 2026 – CU Nooz

Headlines

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel
9 years ago9 years ago
Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes
9 years ago
Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday
9 years ago9 years ago
Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell
10 years ago
Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
10 years ago10 years ago
Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks
10 years ago10 years ago

Local Jester Actually Prefers Fool’s Spring

Nooz Staff4 months ago4 months ago02 mins

LIBE SLOPE—This week, the jingle of bells in the wind could be heard as distinctly as the bells of the clocktower itself as local jester Tingle van Pringleton ‘19 soaked up some well-deserved sunlight. “If you really think about it, the entirety of spring is essentially one long fool’s spring, since the deep, depressing, eternal…

Frolicking Squirrel Thinks It’s Funny You Bombed That Prelim

Nooz Staff4 months ago4 months ago02 mins

HO PLAZA—A. Cornellius III, a longtime Central Campus resident and Eastern Gray Squirrel, vehemently denied accusations that he was caught jeering and chittering derisively at students following the first round of prelims last week. “I just happen to be gathering nuts at a rate that’s not two standard deviations under the median,” he chirped. “Maybe…