COCKTAIL LOUNGE—After a night of studying for Professor Palirello’s Static Dynamics class, students discovered that the professor who spent the entire semester single-handedly dismantling students’ GPA has a Wikipedia page that is “like, not even that long.”
Mark Ostrovsky ‘28 said, “From the way he leaves homework comments, I expected to put my thumbs to some serious scrolling. I thought there’d be whole sections. Awards, discoveries, maybe an equation named after him. But nope. Just three measly paragraphs and a picture of him standing awkwardly.”
“I just expected more from him,” said Ostrovsky simultaneously wishing Palirello expected less of him. Sarah Xing ‘27 agreed, “The guy only has six selected publications, two of which, by the way, have co-authors.” Xing reportedly spent several minutes rereading the list before concluding, “So what does someone who partially invented the field even know about static dynamics?”
The discovery has reportedly been deeply confusing, given the authority with which Palirello circles answers and writes “trivial”. During a brief interview, Palirello explained that he has not expanded the article because he has been “extremely busy with teaching responsibilities.” Students confirmed that those responsibilities include assigning weekly problem sets described in the syllabus as “moderate practice,” which most students estimate to require approximately fourteen hours and “several emotional breakdowns.”
At press time, Ostrovsky was last seen doomscrolling in an effort to exercise his thumbs after Palirello’s disappointingly short Wikipedia page.
