EDDY STREET—There is little more sacred and unchanging in this world than the duty of a new Fraternity Pledge to clean up after a party. Unfortunately for Hayden Mendoza ‘27, his fraternity decided to end the year with a “tropical-themed” bash. As soon as the stumbling mass of Hawaiian shirts faded into the distance, Mendoza…
BECKER HALL – Half an hour after putting away all of his clothes and saying goodbye to his parents, Kent Shanahan ’18 reportedly pulled his guitar out and just started jamming outside of his room, assuming it to be the coolest activity he could think of. “I used to play clarinet, but then I realized…
COLLEGETOWN — Just as art does not need to serve a didactic purpose, existing as it does, a pursuit unto itself and subversive insofar as it refuses moral justification—so too is my Halloween costume. Inspired by the slogan l’art pour l’art, “art for art’s sake,” I have braved three Cornell Halloweekends under the banner of…
I am a simple man, really. Every day, I wake up, put my pants on one leg at time, enjoy a cup of coffee, and commit all my other silly tasks just like the rest of these plebeians I call peers. What sets me apart, you may ask? Unlike those vulnerable fools, I actually qualify…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL— Last Friday, freshman Andre Potter grew alarmed during his FWS class’s Two Truths and A Lie icebreaker when he realized the murderous subtext of his classmate Mason McKay’s ‘25 answers. “At first, I kind of felt bad for the guy when his first answer was that he took a gap year after…
LINDEN AVE—Every weekend closest to St. Paddy’s Day, the student body takes to the streets to drink, party, drink, and drink some more. The resulting mix of vomit, alcohol, and the odd spray of urine creates a muddy sludge that would repulse the average sober person. However, this same sludge has proven irresistible to the…
COLLEGETOWN—Ithaca winter weather brings plummeting temperatures and gale-force winds, making a meager 32 degrees feel like sub-zero. The temperature alone is enough to dishearten even the most ardent winter enthusiasts. However, there is but one force stronger than the most biting chill of a Cornell February, inextinguishable by the elements, that scarcely dims in the…
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve always liked getting COVID tested. I love the tickle I feel in the back of my sinus when I shove that obnoxiously long cotton swab up my nose, I love feeling the slippery snot exit my nostril when I pull out the cotton swab, and…
MIDTOWN MANHATTAN — Hoping to remind his fellow interns of his intellectual superiority, Cornell rising Sophomore Danny Harris dropped his fourth hint of the day that he goes to Cornell University while working at startup this summer. Harris, who is currently in the process of transferring from ILR to AEM, was heard telling people that…
ROBERTS HALL—The College of Agriculture and Life Sciences announced Friday that is will soon offer a new major for those who want to farm, but also want to put their animals through tremendous pain. “Chicken nuggets taste better after the chickens were smashed in the face with a crowbar,” explained proponent Amelia Reddick ‘20. “Watching…
