Dr. James B. Maas, who served as the Stephen H. Weiss Presidential Fellow, Professor and past Chairman of Cornell’s Psychology department, returned to campus this morning for the first time in over a year. Maas is best know for his academic and literary work on the psychology of sleep. Today, at 10:10 am in Bailey Hall,…
The change in weather and endless Jingle Bells on the radio can mean only one thing: Christmas is coming! That’s right, the best time of the year is here again. Get ready for some family fun, exchanging gifts, and the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. But along with the most wonderful time of…
DAY HALL — Cornell celebrated the rousing success of their plan to distract students angry about the new Health Fee by raising tuition again. “We asked ourselves, how can we get all these angry students to forget about the health fee? Then we realized — maybe they will forget about the fact that we are…
MCGRAW HALL—Following major news outlets’ calls projecting Joe Biden’s victory in the 2020 Presidential Election, Cornell Republicans’ endorsement of Donald Trump in the 2020 election has been proven wrong. This complete and total whiff comes on the heels of their 2016 endorsement of Gary Johnson, making them 0 for 4 over the past 16 years. …
LOS ANGELES, CA — Hollywood has been abuzz this week as legendary director Steven Spielberg has announced he will be directing his new film Archaeology 2140 on Cornell University’s campus, starring none other than Academy Award-Nominated Actor Harrison Ford. Amblin Entertainment reports principal photography will begin next semester on-location in Uris Hall, with the film…
URIS HALL G01—In his first Intro to Cognitive Science lecture this week, locked-and-loaded freshman Daniel Fabre ‘23 went completely balls-to-the-wall utilizing the mind mapping advanced note-taking technique. “I didn’t have my notebook out while we were going over the syllabus, but then I glanced over to my left and I saw the things he was…
Calling the postponement and digitization of classes a “stroke of good fortune,” Juniper Weddle ’21 spent Monday voraciously reading months of lecture notes and doing problem sets in an attempt to relearn the material from the first seven weeks of school. “I feel like at one point, I knew all this stuff pretty well,” said…
OLIN LIBRARY – Yesterday Mann Library, usually found on the Agricultural Quad, was seen stealing a laptop from Olin Library, further solidifying the ongoing rivalry between two of the largest libraries on campus. “We received a report at approximately 5:35 p.m. on Tuesday of the entirety of Mann Library fleeing Olin Library with a laptop…
MARTHA VAN RENSSELAER HALL—In an unusual reversal, the College of Human Ecology rapidly changed tacks on their new study connecting being a complete asshat with holding the title of President of Cornell. “Although my colleagues and I initially believed that symptoms of being a total clown showed a direct cause-and-effect relationship with being the head…
ITHACA, NY – In honor of Cornell’s sesquicentennial, the university registrar has decided to ruin the senior year experience of the Class of 2015 by canceling AMST2001. “Canceling one of the best classes at Cornell next year—famous not only for teaching students about Cornell’s history but also about unifying classes and inspiring a much deeper…
