Freshmen Candidates: Dale Barbaria — Barbaria’s high school yearbook awarded this engineering student from New Rochelle the title “Most Likely To Be A Student Assembly Representative At Cornell University” Nelson Billington — From Washington D.C., Billington promises that, if elected Freshman Representative, he will use his new position to impress girls. Marissa…
STATLER– In a scheduling mishap likely to elicit several complaints with seniors, this semester’s Wines final exam has been scheduled to finish just minutes before the school’s Tightrope Walking final deliverable. “I’m so fucked,” exclaimed one Wines student. “My palette is a little weak, so I have to drink a bit more than everyone else…
HIGH RISE 5- Reports indicate that Simon Blackwell ’18, after completely unpacking his belongings into his dorm room and walking back with his parents out to the car, was given cryptic, nearly incomprehensible advice by his father. “Now look son, college is a new stepping stone in your life. You can step on it, give…
RPCC- Senior Jessica Parker got together with her friends from her former Low Rise 6 unit for dinner at Robert Purcell Community Center this past weekend after no longer being able to tolerate her other friends. “It’s great to see these guys. It’s been way too long,” described the nostalgic civil engineer, who over time…
HAMILTON, OH — Reports have indicated that Scott Gordon, a recent US Soccer fan and rising senior, found out early today that soccer is played more often than every four years during the World Cup. “I really got swept up in the fever during Brazil’s World Cup and was really disappointed yesterday when the last…
The administration has effectively closed the arts quad statues of Ezra Cornell and A.D. White, citing a lack of proper resources available to secure and maintain these historic monuments. Students are prohibited from looking at, sitting near and taking pictures of the statutes, and are discouraged from “enjoying them from a safe distance” according to…
CORNELL HEALTH–Maricel Caoili ‘26 experienced a breakthrough in therapy this Thursday when Dr. Elizabeth Fields decided to ignore Caoili’s experiences entirely and consult 2012’s third leading fanfiction and quiz website, Quotev. “I’d been trying to help Maricel for a while, but it’s so hard when I have no training related to trauma, the stress of…
MALOTT HALL—In a passionate display of wishy-washy spinelessness, math professor Audrey Cook took the first twenty minutes of her morning lecture to plead with her students to really, really think about whether they should bother handing in their homework. “Listen, I know you all cheered last week when I said you didn’t have to do…
Believe me. I enjoy The Daily Sun’s opinion pieces as much as the next guy. They cover a lot of useful information and interesting topics with thoughtful perspectives. But I have a problem with the Sex on Thursdays column. Specifically, I want whoever writes that column to please stop boning my girlfriend. I get that…
This week, Food Science Professor Mark Chang revealed the ground-breaking results from his experiments to produce more “Instragrammable” food. Students in Chang’s graduate-level class FDSC 6350: “#NoFilter, Social Media and Food” helped to create food that looks even better when uploaded to the Internet for friends to see. The National Food Science Review is calling…
