COLLEGETOWN — Junior Jake Evans reported today that the apartment he’d be living in next year was, “An affordable place, close to campus, and virtually impossible to escape in the event of a fire or other emergency.” Chatting with friends over coffee, Evans mentioned that his apartment was likely to become “his tomb,” and that…
CAYUGA MEDICAL CENTER – Late last night, Cayuga Medical Center announced the tragic news that Cornell alumnus of the Class of ’40 and well-known philanthropist John Henry Highrise V passed away after a long battle with serious illness. Highrise V will be best remembered by his donations that made possible the construction of the North…
COLLEGETOWN- In order to keep up in the competitive Collegetown bar scene, Ruloff’s has followed the path of many of its rivals Monday by closing forever. “It does seem like the thing to do if you’re a C-Town bar these days,” said senior Rich Beckham in front of the former night life hot spot. “All…
EDDY STREET- A group of friends was pleasantly surprised early Tuesday evening when their roommate arrived home with a young woman whom he introduced as his girlfriend. Fred Michaels, ‘23, astonished his roommates when he brought home Kendall, his lab partner, whom he had recently begun dating. “It was a total shock,” said Kyle Jones,…
According to Brad Holder, the head of New Member Recruitment within the national office of Phi Sigma Sigma, Caroline Fisher ‘16 actually did receive the “best little ever,” like ever. CU Nooz spoke to Holder about the little in question, Sophie Goodman ‘17. “While most of the little facebook names are often slight exaggerations, the…
Dear Cornell University, From the outset of this campaign, my goal was simple: to add something impressive-sounding to my resume. Today, I am proud to say that with my election to the position of Undesignated At-Large Student Assembly Representative, that dream has been achieved. This was a tremendous victory for the 1,852 supporters who voted…
SPACE SCIENCES BUILDING—Despite the early hour of the advanced astrophysics class, Professor DeGrasse was reportedly unfazed by the glazed eyes of his sleep deprived students. Thanks to his early morning trip to drop his four-year-old son off at day care, the Professor had a trick up his sleeve that was sure to get his students…
ITHACA, NY — Cornell Junior James Pratchett, who will win a seat in the US Senate in 2037, capped off a night of drinking at a friend’s house by throwing up into his fishbowl and leaving before he could be confronted about it. On the way home, Pratchett — who will be remembered by his…
BAKER LAB — In the lecture following their second prelim, pre-med student Aaron Hale ‘23 nervously reassured his CHEM 2070 classmates that, despite missing the prelim last Thursday, the curve should definitely bring him up to at least a C. “I mean, basically the same thing happened last time,” muttered Hale to himself, whose grade…
NORTH CAMPUS — The gigantic icicle just outside your dorm has been waiting there for the past few weeks. Gaining strength. Waiting just for you. For the perfect moment to strike. “You have to stop worrying about that icicle,” warns your roommate, but you can’t stop thinking about its ominous presence outside your window. Its…
