RHODES HALL—While humiliation is often par for the course during office hours, CS 1110 has decided to turn that possibility into a guarantee. Due to the overwhelming amount of students waiting in line for somebody to do all of their homework for them, all teaching assistants for the introductory class have been authorized to mock,…
CARPENTER HALL—A CS 3410 lecture came to a screeching halt Tuesday morning in the most recent case of YouTube AutoPlay catching a world-renowned professor off guard. Seconds after showing his class a YouTube video on multicore system architectures, Professor David M. Tronkowski, a 72-year-old Stanford Ph.D. and veteran computer scientist, was interrupted by an unexpected…
Now that prelim season is in full swing, students are scrambling to find the places to prepare on campus. CU Nooz has done the work for you and compiled a list of the best study areas so you can spend more of your time avoiding your work in other ways. Study Biology in the quietest…
MALOTT HALL一Students in MUSIC 2212: History of Classical Composition were left panting in anticipation after Dr. Gregory Schreier announced that he would not release the practice prelim until the day before the exam as punishment for being very, very naughty. “In my class, if you want the practice exam, you have to earn it,” said…
ITHACA, NY-Professor James Karpman began his fourth lecture of the semester today by continuing to review the fundamental plans and curriculum outlines for BIO 2380. Students are reportedly getting restless at the professor’s thoroughly detailed overview of his course plans for the semester. “On the first day we went over the basics of what units…
COLLEGETOWN—Saturday night festivities were in full swing last week and while some were busy with unproductive activities such as drinking and drugs, others were making some very public money moves. Power couple Angela Henderson ’25 and Eli Wilson ’24 spent their evening at Hideaway in a dark corner locking lips and grinding with abandon. “Some…
DUFFIELD HALL—In an effort to drum up enthusiasm for the academically rigorous engineering college and reduce student stress on campus, College of Engineering officials have developed an exciting new system: giving students five minutes of cool-ass laser playtime for ten bucks apiece. “As administrators, we are constantly asking ourselves how to make engineering cool with…
GOLDWIN SMITH — As the semester begins, Cornell’s numerous a capella groups are starting their search for students who can do a very convincing air guitar. “We have some really good singers, but the fact is that we won’t get better as a group until we find that perfect guy who can mime an electric…
In a targeted attack to ruin my life, absolute shitstain Roger Wilhelm ‘22 continues to be successful at literally everything, while I can’t even tie my shoelaces without them coming undone five steps later. Roger recently announced his internship at Doctors Without Borders, which he only got because his roommate’s aunt’s tennis partner-in-law worked there…
NORTHCROSS @ JESSUP – As she hopped on the TCAT on her way class this Wednesday, Jessica Abbot ‘22 was delighted to discover that the usually endearing bus driver was looking exceptionally precious that morning. Abbot couldn’t quite put her finger on what made Steve Haas, TCAT driver of 12 years, look even more lovable…
