THURSTON AVE. BRIDGE—At 9:16 PM Monday, a trudging line of solemnly shuffling figures could be seen snaking down to North Campus, participating in a timeless rite of post-prelim passage designed to cleanse the academic spirit. The lumbering group emitted a characteristic primal rumble of lamenting voices that could be heard for miles around as its…
STATLER HALL – In a tightly contested vote held in Statler Auditorium yesterday, the School of Hotel Administration narrowly decided to revoke its membership from Cornell University. The Hotel School had been a member of the CU since 1922, and until recently had largely benefited from economic and political ties to the academic institution. “Membership…
COLLEGETOWN, ITHACA — Following the elimination of in-person fraternity events due to the pandemic, local fraternity Kappa Alpha Beta will begin transitioning their fall semester hazing plan to online. “It’d be a real shame for the pledges to miss out all the brotherly bonding, like being waterboarded. You know what they say, friends who are…
HO PLAZA–This Earth Day, the Cornell Store is making a special pledge to the planet. For every item that goes unpurchased, they will match it with a generous donation to the Tompkins County Solid Waste Center. Eco-saviors are invited to open their hearts, but mostly their wallets, and find a semblance of purpose within store inventory:…
JAM PROGRAM HOUSE – Norman Samson and Benjamin Harrison, long-time roommates in Cornell’s music themed program house JAM have recently announced they are splitting up over “creative differences.” “I really feel like we need to stay true to our roots,” said Harrison as he tearfully glanced at their old, dusty acoustic guitars. “But as the…
STOCKING HALL—First-year Cornell dairy cow Clover was absent at today’s Dairy Day festivities after passing out during the pregame. “It’s not uncommon for some cattle get blackout before Dairy Day actually starts, but I could usually corral them down from the Dairy Unit as long as they were still upright,” said dairy science major Chuck…
Many a year ago, when I still had about me the sprightly air of youth, I had felt myself most fortunate to have secured entrance into a finishing school where I was to polish those homemaking topics which are appropriate to the instruction of a young lady: pianoforte, embroidery, multivariate calculus, continental philosophy, organic chemistry,…
SHOPS AT ITHACA MALL- Mayor Svante Myrick visited Target with his mother this afternoon to buy Valentine’s Day cards for every resident in the City of Ithaca. “Look, mom! Frozen!” said Myrick, pointing at the box of Frozen themed cards in Target’s Valentine’s Day aisle. Myrick added that “everyone in [his] city loves Frozen” and…
COLLEGETOWN—Jessica Ashdale ’20 began unfurling her crumpled, uncomfortably-soggy baseball costume Friday evening in preparation for yet another weekend of costumed revelry. “How the hell did I get beer on every inch of this costume?” Ashdale said while examining the wadded XXL t-shirt she last tossed in the corner of her apartment Sunday after a bout…
URIS HALL—With nesting season in full swing, many birds have resolved to make Cornell their home for the next few months. The campus’s abundance of trees, open space, and unsuspecting Hotelies to shit on make it “the perfect environment to lay some twigs, lay some pipe, and lay some eggs,” said Kevin Wormenjoyer, a local…
