COURT HALL — Stating earlier today that he “went to prep school,” freshman prep school kid Davison Williams has repeated that he went to a prep school. “I attended a private boy’s academy in Connecticut, along with His Excellency The Prince of Kuwait, or have I already mentioned that?” asked Williams, taking every opportunity in…
Click here for larger bracket CU Nooz is proud to announce the 1st Annual Major Cornell Major Tournament! We’re down to the final round, with two undergraduate majors battling it out to determine once and for all which major is the most likely to get votes in an arbitrary competition. Round 6 ends this Thursday,…
ENGINEERING QUAD—With a new class of bright-eyed first-years settling into Cornell, the University’s many student organizations are seizing new recruitment opportunities. Project team members, in particular, have pounced at the chance to contact human life, move their limbs, get fresh air, et. cetera. “Hey! Do you share your life, too?” asked Dalia Good ‘26, an…
URIS HALL— According to a recent study conducted by the Cornell Psychology Department, if you’re not good at something the first time you try it, you will always be terrible at it and should give up. “We examined people performing a wide range of activities for the first time, from knitting to surfing and playing…
STEWART AVE—Kyle Wilson 24’ had only just returned from winter break when he discovered a putrid goop oozing from his kitchen microwave. “It had the aroma of warm fecal matter with notes of cinnamon,” recounted Wilson, a current Wines student. “I called the landlord four times before getting through–by that point, the leak had burned…
Make your bedroom into your bedroom and have sex in your bedroom Finally read the entirety of a dazzling Denice Cassaro email out of sheer boredom Livestream the Cornell-Harvard Men’s Hockey game and throw fish at your computer screen Irresponsibly take off to NYC for Spring Break and become a vector for viral spread Fall…
GATES HALL—Group projects are crucial educational tools for building skills of collaboration, critical thinking, and problem-solving for students across the classroom. But for Jamie Hanizo ‘25, this communalistic fantasy quickly became a nightmare. As he wandered into his 10:10 AM Information Science discussion at 10:09 AM, Hanizo was greeted with a horrifying sight: the student’s…
OLIN LIBRARY—Jess Maza ‘23’s run in with a first semester class acquaintance this Friday spiralled into a conversational disaster when a brief recap of winter break started to look like an in-depth discussion of the acquaintance’s new sorority. Maza should have realized what was happening after Michelle Clark ‘23 removed her jacket revealing a long…
ITHACA, NY – This coming fall, a new course that will only be offered once will teach students what exactly the word “sesquicentennial” means. The university has been liberally using this mysterious term for three years now, since the class of 2015 began their freshman year, cryptically targeting these now junior students. Day Hall has had…
TRILLIUM— After observing lines of dejected students struggling to adapt to the new self-serve salad station at Trillium, former salad tosser Rita Jenkins finally felt appreciated for her lunch-assembling expertise. “Students shouldn’t feel so frustrated when trying to serve themselves for the first time,” commented the seasoned craftsman. “Everyone knows that using plastic tongs to…
