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March 12, 2026
  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges
  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester
  • Local Jester Actually Prefers Fool’s Spring
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  • Wikipedia Page of Esteemed Professor Currently Flunking You Not Even, Like, That Long

    10 hours ago10 hours ago
  • “These Hands Don’t Haze!” Says Frat President Who Used Legs to Kick Shit Out of Pledges

    11 hours ago11 hours ago
  • Half-Assed Discussion Post Setting Dangerous Precedent For Rest of Semester

    1 day ago1 day ago
  • Local Jester Actually Prefers Fool’s Spring

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Frolicking Squirrel Thinks It’s Funny You Bombed That Prelim

    2 days ago2 days ago
  • Dumb Idiot Bunny Rabbit Doesn’t Know It About to Get Cold Again

    3 days ago3 days ago
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Dumb Friend Finds New Way to Pronounce La Colombe

Nooz Staff6 months ago6 months ago03 mins

LIBE CAFE—The University’s switch from Starbucks to La Colombe this semester was seen as a resounding success for the local labor movement, and a devastating defeat for any fucking idiot with English as their first language. One such dumbass, Tom Hall ‘27, is having an especially difficult time nailing down the new cafe’s pronunciation. “I…

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  • Collegetown

Collegetown Boba Cafe Opens Next to Collegetown Boba Cafe, Under Collegetown Boba Cafe

Nooz Staff6 months ago6 months ago03 mins

COLLEGETOWN—Last week, a new boba cafe opened in Collegetown. Four days ago, a new boba cafe opened in Collegetown. Two days ago, a new boba cafe opened in Collegetown. Yesterday, a new boba cafe opened in Collegetown. The most recent addition, Not Your Average Boba Cafe, is located next to a boba cafe, and underneath…

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  • Uncategorized

Cornell Dining Ranked Tenth in the Nation with Rusty’s Cafe, Fifth in the Nation Without

Nooz Staff4 years ago03 mins

ITHACA, NY—Once again, Cornell students can proudly claim they have access to one of the best dining programs across the nation. The university marked a special case for the Princeton Review’s Great Campus Food ranking list, qualifying as tenth in the nation with the inclusion of Rusty’s Cafe and fifth in the nation without.  A…

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