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May 13, 2025
  • In Historic Show of Power, Student Assembly Votes to Politely Ask for More Power
  • L-DOC? My Final Essay Fucking Sucks
  • Construction Workers Declare Occupation Of Libe Slope As Clock Tower Fences Expand Into New Territory
  • Rest of Sesame Street Crew Also Forced to Live in Trash Cans After PBS Defunding
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  • In Historic Show of Power, Student Assembly Votes to Politely Ask for More Power

    20 hours ago20 hours ago
  • L-DOC? My Final Essay Fucking Sucks

    7 days ago7 days ago
  • Construction Workers Declare Occupation Of Libe Slope As Clock Tower Fences Expand Into New Territory

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Rest of Sesame Street Crew Also Forced to Live in Trash Cans After PBS Defunding

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Nooz Explains: 15 Exciting Ways to Set Off the Fire Alarm at 2:30 in the Goddamn Morning

    1 week ago1 week ago
  • Higher Education Under Attack? My Eyes Itch and I Can’t See the Board

    2 weeks ago2 weeks ago
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Quartercarder Intently Awaiting Next Victim

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

HO PLAZA — Quartercard distributor for Cornell Pep Band Liza Chan ’17 is quietly lurking outside the doors to Willard Straight, eagerly awaiting the spoils of the next innocent passerby. “Here come the little lambs, ripe for the taking” whispered Chan, slowly licking her thin, cold lips at the sight of the freshmen exiting Okenshields…

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