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October 23, 2025
  • Cornell Announces “Raw Chicken Wednesdays” to Slim Down Large Freshman Class
  • Americans Defeat Fascism by Putting On Greatest Talent Show This Nation Has Ever Seen
  • Mamdani Debates Cuomo As World War I Flying Ace Curtis Sliwa Dogfights Infamous Red Baron
  • Pre-Annotated Library Book Tells Student Exactly What Important
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  • Cornell Announces “Raw Chicken Wednesdays” to Slim Down Large Freshman Class

    13 hours ago13 hours ago
  • Americans Defeat Fascism by Putting On Greatest Talent Show This Nation Has Ever Seen

    14 hours ago14 hours ago
  • Mamdani Debates Cuomo As World War I Flying Ace Curtis Sliwa Dogfights Infamous Red Baron

    3 days ago
  • Pre-Annotated Library Book Tells Student Exactly What Important

    5 days ago5 days ago
  • Professor Getting All Excited About Life’s Work Again

    7 days ago7 days ago
  • Cornell Health Boasts Selective 2% Acceptance Rate for 2025 Appointment Cycle

    1 week ago
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Breaking: The Lord Our God to Require Two-Factor Authentication to Enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Nooz Staff3 years ago3 years ago02 mins

PEARLY GATES–Accompanied by a choir of seraphim, the Ruler of the Universe broke over two thousand years of silence to announce that Duo Mobile will now be required to attain eternal paradise. “For too long, admittance to heaven or hell has depended on arbitrary and outdated criteria, such as inherent goodness, being gay, or doing…

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OP-ED: This Thanksgiving, I’d Like to Thank God For Blessing Me With Such a Fat Juicy Pussy

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago02 mins

Thanksgiving is a day in which friends and family give their thanks for all that they are grateful for. This year, I plan on expressing a huge thank you to God for gifting me with an invaluable asset: a succulent, sizable, stank-ass pussy.  When forging me from his flesh, God decided to direct any weight…

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